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| feeling all fekin weird. maybe cos i'm kinda drunk? andy, i don't know why i can't control myself either. so long as i don't act like a cunt, i'm ok. i hope.
my spoiled fucking ass got surprised with hello kitty yesterday. my guy kicks so much ass that he put his man pride aside and had her made for me at build a bear. deep down, i really AM five. and completely unashamed.
tonight i made an awesome lasagna and was glad that there were enough people to eat from it so half wouldn't go to waste. i'm conservative in my own way.
i still really miss my brother and i don't see this changing until i see him for an extensive amount of time. and then fifty-eight years after that. i just don't feel like myself without him. | | |
| this neighborhood is strange to me because almost every home, that since i can remember has housed the same families, has new ones. when did they all decide to move on? perhaps when i did. but they probably won't follow the same pattern and return. when am i going to accept that this is my life again?? so strange.
after an all too long hiatus, i have a new assignment: michael jackson. this one looks pretty tough, so hopefully i won't get too overwhelmed [i still have to finish up two oils, three watercolors, a very detailed drawing, and hopefully a smaller portrait for me ma by Chistmas]. i get nauseous just t h i n k i n g about it. especially since sebastian asked if I could have it ready in a month. no fucking way, mayne.
this year for halloween i was a g and drank a 40oz. now that's classy.
andy and i are getting the same image etched into our sides. 's this fekin' sexy ass herakut image of a naked lady in a bunny head hat. he goes first this weekend.. hopefully i don't chicken out!
also, my mother has been very ill for a week. doc said it was viral. she sounds terrible! sad news is my throat's been all googey and i've developed a cough--she said that's how her illness began.
siqqqqq. hopefully not literally.
in closing, nikki, i can't read your xanger for some reason. and ashley, i can no longer read yours since you changed your background. damn ass browser :[. and nadia, where the fek were you this weekend?!! a basket of short ribs shall do ;].
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| and now, the soundtrack to my life, as randomly selected by ze faithful music player..with lyrics!
[OPENING CREDITS]: "1992"- blur
"what do you owe me? the price of your piece of mind"
[WAKING UP]: "rockets and jets"- slowride
"unnderrneeathh BLANKETS [!] we can do anything"
[FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL]: "bored"- deftones
"reborn left to sigh, recure maybe i'll be born and simplify the way I lie before i get bored"
[FALLING IN LOVE]: "thirty-three"- the smashing pumpkins
"i know i'll make it, love can last forever graceful swans of never topple to the earth and you can make it last forever you can make it last forever"
[FIGHT SONG]: "bloody cape"- deftones
"soon as our needs are fed you'll give in to me and the whole heartache makes me feel alive/same typical offering/ and you always knew we make it all the way in..".
[BREAKING UP]: "happy face"- toadies
"you and I have nothing more to say, we'll do more than talking some day"
[LIFE]: "revelation of existence"- decapitated
"existing in a timeless pulsation, reached many eternities. akin with infinity, akin with death. i'm breaking all barriers."
[MENTAL BREAKDOWN]: "messed up over you"- sf59
"have the world for me, completely bind me,time, you bind me completely beat me"
[DRIVING-A RARITY ]: "11/11"- team sleep
"that sound drifting off outside there's an unlight drizzle going on that sound faucets off hang me out the window no resolve"
[FLASHBACK]: "the pleasure is all mine"- bjork
"who gives most?"
[WEDDING]: "travel is dangerous "- mogwai
"up there the family weeps outside hammers noises sound like the end and we will never see them"
[BIRTH OF CHILD]: "hangin' tree"- qotsa
"swing in the breeze in the summer sun as we two are one"
[FINAL BATTLE]: "we ride"- strapping young lad
"why don't you ever think about these things that you say?! your words are there for us to deconstruct anyway"
[DEATH SCENE]: "bootcamp"- soundgarden
"there must be something else, there must be something good far away, far away from here"
[FUNERAL SONG]: "it makes them disappear"- pantera
"get the fuck on down the road"
[CLOSING CREDITS]: "playground love"- air
"love is all, all my soul, you're my playground love"
oh, the silly things i do to occupy my time when i am bored and cannot sleep.
my feet are cold and the piece of gum i am chewing long ago lost its flavor. note, my favorite flavor is "bubblegum".
my nephew turned one yesterday. shit's nutzzzz.
i think i'll go to bed now, for i have a painting to work on and a joose to drink later. the purple ones are best in my opinion. | | |
| this time of year always fills me with nostalgic glee. i love all things about the fall- the color nature turns, the ghouly goodies that surround halloween, pumpkin everything! every once in a while, something pretty drastic changes in my life along with the season. i usually feel lost, but always seem to quickly find direction again. but how does a girl, who seems to have lacked direction in years, find a path again? i guess all the fun is in finding out. songs i've really enjoyed lately:
"ghosts" - CANT
"blessa" - toro y mol
"harvest" - clientele
"twenty-nine" - christmas island
"sometimes"- my bloody valentine i think i will always relate to music more than any person. and i'm really okay with that. | | |
| andy is to the right of me in a sleep so deep that even his window rattling snores can't disrupt it. i love this man so much. for me, time usually manages to tarnish these sort of feelings, but they've only intensified. given all we've been through, that's pretty remarkable. and i'm so glad for it.
it's hard to be in anything but high spirits here. this household is full of love. my family is so caring and giving. and my parents..they're the most kind, selfless, accepting, forgiving people i've ever known.
how did I get to be so lucky? | | |
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